You made it !! Now there is no point in believing that there is anything to be done at this stage. You’ve done the all of the work in stages 1 through 4. If we are being honest, Stage 5 is not so much a stage, but the end result of all of the work you’ve been doing.
Let’s Explore:
Stage 1: Awareness
Its hard to control something you aren’t aware of. Its hard to change a behavior with out identifying what it is. How often have we said to ourselves,”Something needs to change. I don’t know what it is, but things can’t continue going this way.” How did it feel to say, “When _____ happens, I feel/ behave _____. That is/isn’t going to work in the future.” There is power in the awareness. This process should have allowed you to discover more about yourself. Even though we advised that this stage was simply about becoming more aware of your feelings and behaviors triggered by them, some things were probably common sense. If you recognized that a certain person triggered negative behaviors, chances are the more aware your were of it, the more you withdrew from their company. That is called taking control of your personal “space”. Granted that space is in your head, but that is the most important space you have. Can you think of behaviors and changes that you made the moment you became aware?
Stage 2: Acknowledgment
We’ve all seen the AA meeting on TV, or heard about how they ask you to stand before the group and say, “My name is _____, and I’m alcoholic.” How important is that to the process of recovery? It is the most critical piece by all standards. Acknowledging your “issue”, prevents it from being used against you. How can someone use something you acknowledge to hurt you? Power. If you first acknowledge that you are angry, or depressed, or that you have been overly passive aggressive, it doesn’t sting so much when someone else tells you. Does it? No Acknowledgement is not all about what other people think or say about you, but the fact is, your healthy relationships matter to you. Part of this process, is acknowledging relationships that aren’t healthy and take the necessary steps to change that. This stage is about taking ownership of you, your behavior, your feelings, and your emotions.There is empowerment in ownership. “My name is______, and I get frustrated when someone criticizes me.”
Stage 3: Acceptance
Learning to be patient. Realizing that change doesn’t take place overnight, but continuing on with the process is a sign of maturity. We have all heard it, Patience is a virtue. It takes patience to change behaviors and thought patterns. Accepting that you are “this” way now, is not giving up, but the first step to make changes you believe are necessary. The emphasis on YOU BELIEVE. No one can tell you who you want to be. That is all on you, but we’re pretty certain you don’t want to be angry all the time. There are studies that show negative emotions impact your overall health. Acceptance brings peace overtime.
Stage 4: Assessment
Most likely, the hardest stage. Why because now you have to determine what the next steps will be. Do you need to seek professional help? What is truly holding you back? The reality is, you are in control of this process no matter how you go about it. Your therapist will work with you on the things you present to them. If you followed the process, you have everything you need to steer your therapy sessions in a productive directions. Don’t be surprised if your therapist informs of you things they notice as well. Take notes just like they do. You are entitled to research anything they recommend. Just like you would with your overall health, if you feel you need a second opinion, get one.
Stage 5: POWER
This your process. Only you get to decide what to do with it. You can decide to stay the same, or you can change. You can seek help, or not. It is all up to you. At this point, you’ve made notes and journals and decided what you want or need to work on. If you have taken the step to find a professional to help you through this process, that is awesome! You have made a major investment in YOU and your emotional stability. That is to be applauded. Take everything you have learned on this journey and apply it consistently. The hope is that when situations arise, you will feel more empowered and in control even if the world is crumbling around you. If you have a fear of flying, ideally, this process has allowed you to acknowledge that fear and find healthy ways to deal with it. Not just “medicate” before the flight. So now when your boss comes to you about a business trip, you know exactly to do to be “ok” during your flight. How much easier has your life been since acknowledging feelings and emotions, and finding the healthiest, most effective ways to handle them.
BONUS: RESILIENCE
In short, Resilience is defined as the ability to recover; toughness. Also, it is the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape. This is life. Tragedy strikes. Circles of friends change. Jobs hire and fire. Cars breakdown. Even the most fool proof of plans fall through. Portfolios take hits. What do these things do to us spiritually and emotionally? How equipped are we to bounce back? If you’ve gone through this process, you should feel better equipped to handle these things. You know how you would typically react to these situations. Now you know better, so what would you do differently? What can you do proactively to avoid the anxiety before it comes. How would you stave off the depression after losing a loved one? Your acceptance and understanding of your God-Given Spirit and the emotions that protect it, will go a long in sorting through these situations and recovering better and stronger than ever.
Can you fill in the blanks below:
Before, when _______________ happened, I would _____________. I was __________. Now, I realize I was ________ because _____________. Therefore, I have _______________________________________, in order to __________________.
If you can, you have walked through each stage of the PAUSE; process. If you haven’t made it through the whole sentence, keep striving, keep working, it will come.
We hope you have found the Power In Acceptance and Understanding of your Spirit and Emotions.
