Part of being a positive person is always looking for the good in people. It’s wanting people to be good at their core despite what they show on the surface. I am truly guilty of remaining in toxic relationships too long, not letting go of friendships, and giving people the opportunity to get too close to me even when I wasn’t sure of their intentions. I used to question the notion that if someone wasn’t for you, they had to be against you. How could that be true? Just because someone isn’t your cheerleader or a yes man doesn’t mean they have to be against you. Oh, how wrong I have been.
- Just because someone is a cheerleader for you doesn’t make them good for you. I’ve recently learned via a life-long friendship that always being someone’s cheerleader can actually be detrimental to them and to you. Relationships are about honesty. Being honest, first with yourself, and then with your friend or loved one. What good is a friend that never points out when you are wrong? What kind of friend wouldn’t want you to be better than you were before, and to grow? How do you grow if you are never challenged and your every decision is co-signed versus evaluated? Does this mean you need someone who is always going to play devil’s advocate? No, however, your friend, if they have your best interest at heart, should be able to raise concerns when they believe you might be making a mistake. Just as you should be able to do the same.
- Having someone in your life that adds no value, isn’t for your good, or betterment, doesn’t promote the growth you need to move forward in life, probably is someone who is holding you back. Let’s do the math. Any number + 0 (zero) = that same exact number. Any number + – Any number (negative number) = less than that number. Do you see it? Yes that friend is great to hang out with and watch movies, go shopping and have girls night with, but they don’t answer when you call for something real. Yes they dress nice and are generally a great person, but they don’t support you in your endeavors and they don’t every have anything to offer outside of empty compliments and free drinks. But this person isn’t adding any value to your life, they aren’t helping you move forward. This doesn’t mean that you should sever all ties, but it may be time to evaluate whether or not this person should be considered a zero or a negative. I don’t think I have to tell you how to do that or, what to do about either situation. This is how you someone who isn’t for you, is against you. We must evolve, adapt, and move forward. In order to do that, we require people, places, things, activities that add value.
Now let’s get to the topic of self-care.
We see a lot of shallow, surface stuff, in various forms of media about self-care. We must face the fact that self-care is more than just facials, massages, mani-pedis, and a new wardrobe. Self-care is creating an everyday routine that promotes healthy living for your mind, body, and soul.
Self-Care is not lending your spirit to those who won’t feed it. Sharing space with someone who is always negative, doesn’t mean you (or anyone else for that matter) good, can bring about the same negativity in you. Before you know it, you are feeling the same as they do. Negative thinking and emotions, lead to negative thoughts. Thoughts to thought patterns. Thought patterns to behaviors. You know what comes next.
Self-Care is constant, deliberate, and open communication with God. God is your source (no matter what you call him). It is from God that we receive our help. Imagine your faith so strong that when trouble comes, you can already feel God working on your behalf. Not because you see it, but because you know Him, and trust Him, and believe His word. Your relationship with God will provide everything you need to spiritually combat the world and all of its dangers.
Self-care, fortunately, and unfortunately, is making healthy choices for our body. My father is a diabetic, and he sees his doctor on a regular basis. He has such a regular schedule, he knows that all he has to do, is call the day before the appointment, tell them that he has an emergency and can’t make it but he needs a refill on his prescription. They give him another month’s worth of medication and enough time to get his numbers into a good enough range before he sees the doctor. In his mind, he is taking care of himself, but any normal person would know this is insane. If we make the best, even just slightly better choices in the beginning, we don’t have to play with the numbers later. It shouldn’t be necessary to cleanse your body of toxins repeatedly, if we stop ingesting them or exposing ourselves to them in the first place. How simple would it be to get in the habit of eating “clean” and not risk the effects of built up toxins in the first place.
Self-Care is surrounding yourself with people, places, things, that build you up and offer a reciprocal relationship of pure goodness, honesty, and truth. Remember the conversation from above. Who is for you? Who are you for?
Self-Care is getting help when you need it from someone who CAN help you. If you are struggling in any area of your life, don’t wait until its out of control to try to get it under control. Self-care is being proactive about your and your mental, spiritual, and physical health. Self-care is internal more than external. Self-care should be a daily requirement. Evaluate where you are at the end of each day. This will help you make the best choices for tomorrow.
Remember:
Self-Care is about you, ALL OF YOU.
Self-Care is proactive so you don’t have to be reactive.
Self-Care should be routine.
Self-Care is about choices.
