It’s like being dragged downriver by the current.
When the depressive moments hit —— like, really hit —— the flood of every negative thought I’ve ever had about myself, my friends, my family, my faith, or whatever other f word that fits in this moment overtakes me. This river is filled with jagged rocks known as shame, judgement, and fear, which serve to steal away my breath and render me unable to call out for help. Yet, there are roots of hope that jut out from the banks. If I’m lucky enough to find a piece of hope to grab on to, I try to hold onto that root until the swell passes.
But there’s something else in the river: community.
Often times, as I am holding onto my sliver of hope, I can look around the river and see the other people. Some I know, many are strangers. Yet we are all in the same river. If I see someone being swept past me, I make a point to try my damndest to catch them and anchor them on the same hope that’s keeping me above the murderous current. For we all know what lies at the end of the river. We know there’s a drop-off, a fall if you will, that signifies the end of the struggle. Those of us in the river are all too aware. So we work together to keep each other from drowning or reaching the end.
Right now, as I stand in the shallows, my plan is to build a tower. This tower will serve as a beacon, a muster point for a few members of the River Community to try to catch a few people as they are being swept away, a place to return to when anyone has otherwise lost their way. My prayer, dear reader, is that at some point I can catch YOU.
Until then, I will lay down the foundation. I will start the process of building a space for us to meet, to commune, or even to discover other safe spaces where we can share our stories. I’m no mental health professional, but I’ve lived a lot of life and I very rarely speak on things without knowledge or research. My advice is never sugar-coated, because we have to face the reality that is, not the fantasy we wish to see. Most importantly, I know that it will take our entire RIver Community to make sure no one else goes over that dreadful edge. We’re in this together, and I know we can make a difference.
