September is Self-Care Awareness Month. It is also Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. So we are all going to hear a lot about self-care and loving yourself, accepting yourself, etc. But what does that mean? What does it mean to take good care of yourself. How do you accept yourself when there is so much out there telling you that 90% of who you are is just plain wrong and flat out disgraceful to everyone around you. I have struggled with this for most of my life. I was the “light-skinned”, blonde haired, little black girl in a family of beautiful brown and black people. I can remember envying my older sister because she had the most beautiful “dark” skin and people seemed to drawn to her and she appeared to command a level respect that I never really thought I did. I used to think my sister was who I needed to be. As I have gotten older and experienced so many parts of my life, I realize that I wasted nearly a couple of decades wishing I could be like her. I know that being me is what got me through so much of the hard-times. Being me made me more receptive to my therapists suggestions. Being me made me more conscience of the others and their hurt. Being me has allowed me to grow in areas that I have always considered myself to be weak in. I have learned so much about the exterior appearance not being a true representation of a person that I now know that being my sister would have left me broken, battered, and potentially dying inside. I still think my sister to be a beautiful, strong woman, but, I am just as beautiful and equally strong, if not stronger. It’s not a competition, just how thing shake out.
Recently, my mental health took a turn for a number of different factors and I was pretty down on myself and life in general. I was scrolling through social media and I kept seeing post about someone on the BET Awards (I don’t typically watch BET) twerking with a flute. I finally saw a name, it wasn’t familiar, so I dropped it. But the next day, I saw someone say that the Lizzo performance was the absolute best they had seen in a while. Now I am curious. So I go on YouTube and find this jewel.
Flute twerking is a pretty amazing thing if you ask me. I had never actually heard her music before this, or so I thought.
So I go and I find it. First song, “Truth Hurts”:
Why men great ’til they gotta be great?
Woo
I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that bitch
Even when I’m crying crazy
Yeah, I got boy problems, that’s the human in me
Bling bling, then I solve ’em, that’s the goddess in me
You coulda had a bad bitch…..
How can you listen to that and not feel just a little better than bad? Repeat that to yourself three times. I was dealing with loss and heart break and feeling truly alone in this world. I have often felt like my illness made me less desirable, that I made me less than because I was wired different than others. Turns out I am 100% that b#@$h, why, because strength courses through my veins (yours too). So I keep listening to the album and I stumble upon this jewel:
I am my own soulmate. This is an anthem. Each morning I listen to it to start my day. How much do you love yourself? You are the only one you know for a fact will be there until the end. How are you doing in that relationship? This song moved me past loneliness and anger over the things that haven’t worked out. It shuffled me into that space where you decide to be okay no matter what, you choose to focus on you and all that you bring to your table.
In the end, Lizzo teaches us, how to move on. Even when faced with people who don’t love you. After being dumped, lied to, ignored, made to feel worthless and being shamed for not being ashamed of who you are, just do you hair toss, check your nails, and ask yourself, “Baby how you feeling?” For all the people in your life that don’t love you anymore, that don’t want you to be you, that tear your down, that want you to break, “Walk your fine ass out the door”.
Listening to Lizzo this summer, saved my life. I have cried while listening to just about everyone of these songs, I have laughed, I have been angry at those who didn’t love me, but I have learned to treat myself to the “bottle on the high-up shelf” (whatever that is in the moment). Lizzo has often said she is not brave for loving herself, she asks the question of the people who call her brave for doing, “Am I supposed to hate myself?” Just because we don’t look like “they” say we should, doesn’t mean we should love ourselves any less.
So why is Lizzo self-care? Not just for me, but for everyone.
Because Lizzo teaches us that we all deserve to love ourselves. We all should look in the mirror and feel like we are more than enough for this world. We all should love our bodies and flaws. We should embrace our stories and be grateful for our journey through this life. I didn’t know anything about Lizzo before the BET Awards, but now I can’t get enough of her. Her music is phenomenal, but her story, her energy, her message, and dare I say her ministry, are beyond this world. Listening to Lizzo is Self-Care. Try it. I could go on and one, but listen for yourself.
