So you’ve made it through the first 3 stages of PAUSE; and that is great. At this point, you likely have a journal full of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that you likely want to explore and some you are inclined to ignore. Let’s review a little about the first three stages:
Stage 1 was about perspective and awareness. In this stage, you should have taken the time just to “sit” in your feelings. The idea was to make note of what you were feeling and how often. You were to avoid making any judgments or assessments about them. Most importantly at this phase, you should have made some notes about how you feel about them? Can you effectively communicate what you are feeling to others?
In Stage 2, the focus was acknowledgement and understanding. During this stage of the process, you were supposed to verbally acknowledge those emotions you became aware of in Stage 1. We discussed the importance of acknowledging whether something is a feeling or a true emotion. It might be helpful during stage 4 to revisit the difference between the two. Did you make sure to acknowledge and explore your positive emotions as well? In stage 2, you should have acknowledged and determined feelings and emotions, and identified their triggers (what happened?).
Acceptance was stage 3. At this point, you’ve made notes of the emotions and feelings that you are experiencing, and chances are you have feelings about what you’ve discovery. During this phase, we hope you took to the time to simply learn to be patient with yourself. Potentially, noting things you wanted to change, or work on. Did you use the serenity prayer as a tool for meditation during this stage of the process? Hopefully, since you are still here reading along, you are ready to take some action in regard to everything you have discovered about yourself. If you are ready to move on to the next stage, you should be able to make the following statement:
I have noticed that when __________ happens, I feel ________. I recognize that this is a positive/ negative emotion/ feeling.
Your Stage 4 Acronym:
Professionally/ Patiently Assess & Understand your Spirit & Emotions
This phase is where you should start to take action.
Here are some general questions you might ask yourself at this stage of your process:
- Do you find that negative emotions tend to linger for days on end? Are you a “Harper”?
- Are you experiencing more bad days than good? Is “meh” your normal mood?
- Do you find that you are either really happy or extremely sad? Is It hard to find balance?
- Do you find it hard to deal with your own emotions and feelings? Do you deflect?
- How often do you tell yourself that you shouldn’t feel this way about that “thing”?
Your answers to these questions, do not definitively say anything about you. They are only meant to prompt you to make decisions regarding next steps. Your answers could actually lead you to more questions. That is why it is important to remain patient with yourself. Continue journaling during this process because as you answer these questions, and you have more questions, you may find that you want to seek professional help. Your journals will serve as a starting point for you when talking with a counselor. Sometimes your therapist might start your session off with a questions like, “So what’s gone on since I last saw you?” or “What brings you to therapy?” It would be helpful if you have something to reference. You won’t always need to read a full entry to them, but it could be helpful to look at your list of things you feel you need to work on and start there.
You might recognize a behavior you want to change, a person that makes you feel motivated, or that certain days of the week you feel one way versus the other. Make notes of those things, work to change the behavior. Explore the “relationship” with that person, surround your self with more people who bring positive feelings vs negative ones (not yes men, that’s different. Walk through the days that were tough, try to determine what made it so bad. The real purpose of this stage is to be able to complete the following:
I have noticed that when __________ happens, I feel ________. I recognize that this is a positive/ negative emotion/ feeling. Therefore, I believe I should ____________ (what action should be taken?)
Again, be patient with yourself during this phase. You’ve been one way for a while, no one can change overnight. It is highly recommended that you seek the help of a professional when you are ready. A therapist can offer healthy suggestions, offer proved tools, and provide a unique and unbiased perspective to what you are dealing with.
This process will take as long as it has to. You might find that while working on one area of your life, you need to work on others. Your focus might change due to a life changing event. Life comes at you and sometimes it comes at you hard. Take things day-by-day, if you need to minute-by-minute. This stage is the hardest, but the rewards to follow are beyond worth it.
Stay encouraged!
Take a look at our Resources page to find a professional to assist you.
